Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Good afternoon dear reader(s)!

If you will recall, I am a self-confessed addict.  I am not in recovery because I have no plans to quit using the substance I am addicted to.  So far, I have not put it before my friends and family, but I am certain it is only a matter of time.  If the cost of a No-Carb Rockstar ever goes high enough that purchasing one of them on a day where I just need the caffeine means not being able to pay rent, I am rather confident that rent will go unpaid.  Luckily enough, I can usually find enough money in the chair cushions (I buy Rockstars over couches) that I can hit the Coinstar, eat the "counting fee", and get one when I really need one. 

Recently though, I have become acutely aware that I am harboring another addiction.  I am addicted to social media.  This is an odd revelation to me, considering how anti-social I truly am.  I have noticed that when I am near my slightly more intelligent but certainly not smart phone that I must always be checking Twitter to see if any of the people I follow have anything more interesting to say than what is going on around me.  Given the insane amount of excitement that occurs in my life this seems as though it would be hard to find anything more exciting, but it does happen.  (For example, someone I follow recently tweeted that they were watching paint dry.  That definitely wins.)  I also have found that I get angry (literally angry) when my friends haven't updated their status on Facebook recently enough.  Holidays piss me off to no end for this reason.  At Easter I was bored before all of Hannah's family arrived and I found myself saying things to myself like, "Why isn't anyone posting today?", "Stupid Easter is making Facebook boring!", and "Jesus sure as hell did not die so my friends can be offline!" 

I am proud of the fact that so far my social media addiction has not caused me to lose a sense of manners, the way that it has done with so many other people.  For example, I have never been out to dinner and checked my various social media sites at the table during conversation.  This is most likely due to the fact that I can't afford to go out to dinner because I am paying so much money for my slightly more intelligent but certainly not smart phone and its plan, but that is beside the point.  I have also never checked my phone in a movie, once again that is probably due to the fact that I haven't been to a movie in quite some time unless you consider the $3 movies at the GSR where my phone does not get signal anyway. 

Some people I know think that social media is a bad thing.  They try to keep their children away from it.  I think those people have it wrong.  To me it is the same as those people who try to keep their children from hearing bad words or knowing where babies come from.  They are going to be exposed to it anyway, and you as a parent have a duty to make sure they understand it and what rules you have regarding the use of it so that they may use it for the right reasons, in the proper way.  Like it or not, social media is at the point now where the internet was about 15 years ago.  Try keeping your children from the internet now.  I remember when some of my friends were not allowed to go online.  Those friends managed to get online anyway, and since they had to sneak on, they usually spent all their time doing the worst things they could online as they were already breaking the rules.  Now they have extreme porn addictions and have lost everything to 19.95 monthly subscriptions to websites such as German Sick Fetish Porn and Cat Fancy. 

I remember people who thought that e-commerce would never work.  I wonder how many items they have bought from Amazon.com since then.  I wonder how many months of subscriptions they have paid for German Sick Fetish Porn since then.  I have seen deals started over social media that result in large amounts of money being transacted.  If you keep your children in the dark about social media, how will they ever learn the skills to take advantage of this emerging form of business?  Take my blog-type-thing for example:  When I first started post-type-thinging, I had one reader.  Now, after a few months and a little trial and error, I have had as many as two people view my blog-type-thing in one day!  This is a faster rate of growth than the US economy since the Fall of 2008.  Sure, at this point I do not make any money from post-type-thinging, but I imagine a day in the future where this blog-type-thing will be my sole source of income.  I also imagine that pink bunnies have taken over Indonesia and that our Governor is actually a ham sandwich in disguise, but I don't see how that is relevant. 

People here in Reno seem unusually slow at adopting new technologies.  This is most likely due to the fact that these technologies require that people know how to read words beyond "cat", "hat", "border", "Mexican", 'Muslim" and "liberal".  Also, it is kind of hard to be on Twitter when you are engaged in your Christian duty of making babies at the age of 16.  (Hard, but not completely unheard of.) 

So mom, you may have noticed that I have not been post-type-thinging on here as frequently as I was for a while a couple weeks ago.  Before you panic, let me assure you that I have not decided to try to curtail my addiction to social media, nor have I developed any kind of social life that may interfere with my post-type-thing duties.  No, I assure you that I have just been really lazy this last week and that is all.  I still have no life, the voices in my head are still active, and if I can manage to gather the strength to lift my slightly more intelligent but certainly not smart phone up to my grubby little fingers, this blog-type-thing will continue to be updated on a semi-regular but certainly not routine basis.  I read on some social media that routine updates make it easier for people to follow your blog and since I have a blog-type-thing and not a blog, we certainly can't have that.

Well my dear reader(s), today I would like to leave you with a question, and so I will, regardless of whether or not you would like to be left with said question.  It is a two-part question, please answer both parts in the form of an essay no less than 500 words, and please have it on my desk before finals.  What possibilities do you see in the future for social media, and do you think its growth will be affected by the impending war with the pink bunnies and attempted liberation of Indonesia? 


  1. Point of clarification: Hannah is not boring, I am. The Easter boredom was experienced by both of us since we were told festivities would be starting at 1 but nobody showed until 4. We were there early to help out (nothing to help with) at 11. The only reason I did not lapse into a coma from the boredom that morning was Hannah & the few family members who were there.