Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Soda For Hippos

Good morning dear reader(s)!

Before anyone gets offended, let me just assure you that I am not calling anyone fat.  I also drink of the soda occasionally.  I just figured it sounded better than Water For Elephants.  Anything sounds better to me than Water For Elephants. 

Easter is coming and I can not wait at all.  In all of my years of theological study, I have decided that Easter IS about the bunnies, ham, candy, and eggs.  I am considering starting a campaign for major holidays to put the Easter Bunny, Santa, and commercialism back into the appropriate holiday.  I am so sick of friends of this guy Jesus saying that they should all be about him.  I know Jesus.  He's not a bad guy, but why he thinks he deserves to take over a bunch of my childhood holidays is beyond me.  I do like his Impala though. 

This Easter the plan is to go to Hannah's family's house for Easter dinner.  There has been some recent family drama that may keep people away, and it would be too bad, except it ultimately means more ham for me.  Hannah's grandpa makes a mean ham, which is good, because if the ham were nice, I would feel bad about eating it.  Easter dinner was almost canceled due to everything that has happened, but the holy spirit of the Easter Bunny seems to have won out.  Peace be with you, and enjoy a Cadbury Egg. 

Being that this is Reno, I believe the Easter forecast will be heavy snow with a wind-chill of minus 50 degrees.  The Easter tree lights should look so good reflected in the frosty window with the snow in the background.  I am of course exaggerating slightly.  It is supposed to get up to 53 and be windy.  Windy in the forecast in Reno is not windy in the forecast elsewhere.  Windy here is hurricane force.  The only reason why we do not have severe damage and power outages all of the time is because no trees grow here to get toppled over in the wind.  Any tree that does grow likely has roots that are taller than the tree itself, and so the wind can't really take it down.  The scariest part of a windstorm here is the sand you get in your eyes, mouth, nose, pores, or any other opening I am too polite to name.  The US military should consider training here to learn to prepare for the wind storms in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Pretty much the same place, except I think the unemployment rate may be lower there.  Oh, and women aren't stoned here, but they do get pregnant earlier. 

I am of course joking.  We do stone women here too.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided that I would try and say some funny one-liners on my Twitter account.  Of course, since I am not funny, I did not succeed.  BUT, I did get some attention with one of the tweets.  The tweet was, "1st rule of Twitter:  Don't talk about Fight Club."  Not very funny, almost made me half-smile though, so out went the tweet.  It was re-tweeted. I guess...but then there was a reply that said, "@drumwrenn #StopHomophobia". not talking about Fight Club makes one homophobic?  If you click on the link it takes you to a picture of someone in drag holding a cross.  I am all for stopping homophobia, but what makes someone put that in reply to my original tweet?  I'm sorry, but that is just gay.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)  (Works best if you imagine Seinfeld saying it.)

I had originally planned to be preparing to move back to the Seattle area this month, but it looks as though that will have to wait due to a lack of funds.  Because of this, I have decided to accept donations so that I may leave Reno.  If you or someone you know would like to contribute money, just let me know in the comments section on this blog-type-thing and I will send you information on the different methods you can use to send a Josh back to Seattle.  This is in your best interest too, because the sooner I am back in Seattle, mom, the sooner you won't have to read about how much I want to get out of Reno.  Everybody wins.  My new goal is 6 months, but it could be sooner if you can help.  Please, you CAN make a difference in the life of a Josh. 

Well my dear reader(s), I think I should probably get going.  Until next time, you have a lot of fund-raising to do, and I don't want to impede you efforts.  You may want to try a Bake-Sale, because I like baked goods and in addition to any proceeds, the unsold baked goods can be donated to me as well.  I would need something to wash the baked goods down with though, so perhaps you can also donate some soda. 

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