Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Good Earth Friday!

Good morning dear reader(s)!

As many of you may know, I am not a particularly religious person.  I wouldn't call myself an atheist, because that strong of a belief in no God is kind of a religion in and of itself.  No, I would say I am more agnostic or pantheistic (the belief in pans).  I know pans exist, I have held them before.  They work well to cook food in.  Unless they are old or worn out, I have pretty good faith in them.  Anyway, you may be asking yourself (or not, because most likely you do not talk to yourself the way I do), "What does this guy's religious beliefs have to do with Reno?"  Well, there are a lot of people who consider themselves to be Christian here in the Biggest Little Dying Town, and I do not count myself as one of them.  Not that I have anything against Jesus.  But Jesus is just alright with me.  Jesus is just alright.  Oh?  Yeah.

So that being said, I still plan on celebrating Easter.  Why?  Food and bunnies, that's why.  I like them both.  I don't care for bunnies as food, unless they are of the chocolate variety.  Them darkies make good eats.

Many of my friends are posting on their various social networking tools updates filled with things like, "Happy Holy Week!", "Happy Good Friday!", "Happy Easter weekend!", "Peace be with you!", and "I got SOOO wasted last night that I think I puked up my tonsils and I still can't find my panties!"  It makes me wonder why people can put so much faith in someone's writing that they would base an entire way of life on it.  And then it occurred to me...people should do that with my blog-type-thing!

Think of how much better this world would be if everyone just lived by the teachings of my blog-type-thing!  Everyone would greet each other with the appropriate time of day for their particular timezone!  Could you imagine if the Israelis and Palestinians had to say, "Good morning dear Palestinian(s)\Israeli(s)!"  (or whatever time of day it is over there in that armpit of Earth).  How peaceful would our existence be?  I mean, granted, saying people live in Earth's armpit probably doesn't do much to advance the cause of world peace, but unlike most religious deity's, I do not claim to be perfect.  Okay...yes I do, but not all the time. 

Speaking of Earth's armpit, today is the day we celebrate the armpit of Earth and all of her other parts.  That's right, it is Earth Day!  The one day a year when we pretend that our priorities include taking care of the planet.  This year I have decided to do the following things today only in order to "Go Green": 

1.  Not go standing in a pile of carbon before walking, thereby reducing my carbon footprint. 
2.  Not poach endangered species.  I will grill them instead.  Poached White Tiger is good, but grilled White Tiger is great!
3.  Drink something that will turn my urine green, so I can actually go green. 

See?  It is easy to make a difference. 

Okay, recently in the news, Dick Gammick, (the DA that I have criticized in a previous post-type-thing) says that his office will lobby for funding in this latest round of budget cuts.  This is according to a story in the Daily Sparks Tribune.  This is what passes for news here.  A department head in the government does not want to have his funding cut.  That is exactly the kind of important information I think the founding fathers had in mind when they decided we needed a free press.  As bad as it is to call this story news, it beats the hell out of the "reporting" from the Reno Gazette Journal.  The headline on their website today..."Obama visit spotlights Reno's growing reputation as a clean energy hub".  Really?  Reno is a repudiated clean energy hub?  With who exactly?  The Reno Gazette Journal?  The article does not site any expert outside of the state who believes Reno is a "clean energy hub".  This is an advertisement for Reno, nothing more, and the Gazette should be ashamed of themselves for having the audacity to claim that they are a "newspaper".  At least have the balls to put that headline in the Opinion or Editorial section. 

Also in the news, Senator John Ensign has decided to resign amid an ethics investigation.  Now to me, this really is shocking.  I thought he was too arrogant to ever consider resigning.  If he came away with anything less than impeachment, I honestly believed he would most likely be re-elected too.  People here do not like change.  They still believe we are a tourist destination, and they still buy the Reno Gazette.

Well my dear reader(s) I think the time has come for me to go.  If I post-type-thing any longer, it will no longer be morning and I will have to change the opening to "Good afternoon dear reader(s)!"  And quite frankly, there is no way in hell I'm going to work that hard on this Good Earth Friday!

Until next time, be kind to your pans, and they will be kind to you.