Thursday, March 31, 2011

Part 2, Advanced Tactics

Good evening dear reader(s)!

So in part 1 of my 3 part Master Trilogy, I offered some tips to help stop unrest.  I am hoping (against the wishes of freedom loving people everywhere) that the tips I provided helped to quell the unrest in your particular area.  If not, I would like to now discuss some more advanced tactics that may help turn the tide.  

Regrade the bottom of your riverbed to make a kayak park so your citizens will have something fun to do.  Even if the vast majority of your citizens do not kayak, watching other kayakers on a beautiful day will instantly calm unrest.  How do I know this?  Well my dear reader(s), I was walking down Virginia Street here in Reno, marveling at all of the closed buildings, hookers, panhandlers, and the Reno Arch, and a steady stream of cuss words starting flowing from my mouth describing to no one in particular the way my home city has been allowed to die.  I was most definitely experiencing unrest.  Then I made it to the river, where I was greeted with the sight of kids being instructed on how to river kayak on our little Truckee River.  My unrest vanished, & I thought about how the decision to make a kayak terrain park in the center of our river, in the center of downtown was maybe not the best economic decision ever, but at least it was calming.  And then it hit me.  The Reno kayak park is Soma.  Even more effective on calming the populous than plying them with 24 hours of steady cheap alcohol!  Now, this tactic is not for beginners, in order to duplicate this result you must first have a river, & second, you must be confident in your ability to convince your subjects, er...citizens, that the project is not a waste of money that could better be directed elsewhere.  The last thing you want to do is cause unrest with your unrest prevention projects.  

Promise to resign in the near future provided someone with the ability to lead in your place steps forward, then take back said promise identifying the unrest as the reason you can't resign.  This is near failsafe, especially when confronting a disorganized group of unresters with no clear leadership.  

Shore up support from your armed forces.  This is best accomplished by executing those you believe may one day become disloyal to you, and by presenting those who you have chosen to spare with lavish gifts and perceived power.  Remember, perception can be the difference between international condemnation and a UN Resolution, so hire a good PR firm to help you through this.  

Well my dear reader(s), I hope these advanced tactics have finally stopped the unrest in your nation.  Now you may want to stop your own unrest.  Try reading a book, getting a massage/happy ending from a member of your harem, invest in a sleep mask, and forget the worries of the day.  You've been busy securing your power, and deserve a good night's sleep.  

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of my 3 part series...So you failed, what now?  

In the meantime, remember that all the world's a stage, and they are merely traitors and Al Qaida sympathizers with Western support despite the fact that the West and Al Qaida kinda don't get along too well, what with that pesky 9-11 thing.  Nutjob.

Please to enjoy the picture of the river if I did this right.

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