Friday, March 11, 2011

Charlie Sheen for Mayor!

Good Afternoon dear reader(s)!

So as I was slammin' 7 gram rocks because that is how I roll, I unhooked the IV line from my tiger and had a brilliant thought, because my mind fires on a level that is not of this Earthly realm.  What better way to revitalize Reno's dead tourism industry, than by making Charlie Sheen the Mayor of the Biggest Little City in Northern Nevada?

The fact is, Reno always marketed itself on the party lifestyle until it stopped and got destroyed by places that did it better.  (Maybe you've heard of a little town called...I don't know...Las Vegas?)  (No, not NM, NV.)  (Yeah, that one.)  (From the Hangover, yeah.)  (No, not Christmas Vacation, Vegas Vacation!)  (Yes, like the city!!!)  ANYWAY, who knows more about partying than Mr. Sheen himself.  He shows people magic!  He Bi-Wins!  Change the name of the Atlantis to Adonis, legalize all drugs, allow prostitution in city limits (I mean LEGALIZE prostitution in city limits, since it is already ALLOWED on 4th Street), elect Charlie Sheen Mayor, and watch as visitors flock back once again for the sin Nevada pretends they hate as they quietly pocket the money it brings in.  

At the very least, hotels would fill up with bookings from E Channel employees, People Magazine "Writers", paparazzi, & TV Doctors and wanna-be shrinks trying to diagnose him from TV clips!

Economic Gold Mine until some natural disaster somewhere kicks him off the...oh shit, really?  Japan?  Oh.  

So obviously anyone who isn't a total psychopath is concerned for all the people affected by the earthquake and tsunami, but when I woke up this morning, I checked my Twitter account (yes, I am on Twitter, that is how ADD I have become), and it seemed like a race to be the first to say that your thoughts and prayers were with the people of Japan.  All I could think was, "How important do you think you are, that as the people of Japan are frantically searching for loved ones, trying to stay safe, or trying to even comprehend what the hell just happened, that they can take solace in logging into Twitter and knowing that @SOMETWITTERDOUCHE from Shitville, KS, USA is sending his thoughts & prayers?"  Also, some people have told me they thought my joke on my Facebook page (that is right, I made a joke about the Tsunami not yet reaching Reno) was insensitive to the people who died.  No, it wasn't.  It had nothing to do with the poor people who died.  And besides, I should get a pass because I started the joke with, "My thoughts are with the people affected by..."  I thought that means I am a good person.

Okay, since the title of my blog-type-thing is Reno Failure, and not Japanese fault stability failure, I guess it is time to shift the subject back to Reno.  

So last week I finally got out of town for a couple days.  I didn't make it to my beloved Seattle due to issues with the Beastess that were taken care of but not until after we attempted to go, and adding another $205.  So that sucked, but we scraped up enough money (by not paying bills) to manage a couple nights in beautiful San Francisco.  Hannah didn't wear a flower in her hair, and the drivers sure as hell weren't gentle people, but it was a fun trip.  We stayed by Ocean Beach, went and saw some Sea Lions, and just generally had fun.  There was no parking, they suck at driving, but it was 1000 times better than Reno in every other way.  Oh yeah, except I wouldn't pay that much for housing if I were a billionaire.  

As soon as we made it back to reno, my nose started bleeding again, my eyes burned with the sting of dryness and disappointment, and a single tear rolled down my cheek as I settled back into the brown, lifeless high desert I have the misfortune of calling my temporary home.  

On the plus side, I am not currently in Japan, Lybia, or..God forbid...Detroit, so there are some things to be positive about.  Also, I hate my job alot less than when I was in training, although I despise the company I work for still.  I hope to keep the job and avoid paying bills long enough to eventually get to my beloved home in the Pacific Northwest, where I will feast upon fresh salmon and berries, and show my Bear the true ways of life.  

Well my dear reader(s), I should go now, I have to tend to my relief efforts.  

Until next time, be excellent to each other and party on, dudes!


1 comment:

  1. WHAT!? As the creator, you don't have the power to control the elements!! I am so disappointed. And I agree, Detroit sucks.