Thursday, February 24, 2011

United States Postal Something?

Good evening dear reader(s)!

As I am typing this new and improved edition of my blog-type-thing, (How is it improved you ask?  Well, after many hours of testing and analyzing data from focus groups, I have decided to eliminate any hints as to why things are improved, for starters.), I am waiting on the mailman to deliver bills and other junk to my mailbox.  You see, I don't believe he came today.  I know junkmail volume is down right now, and is really hurting their bottom line (awwww, you base a business on annoying people and now poor wittle you is losing money?) but this is the third day this week (not including the holiday) with nothing in the box at all, and quite frankly I just don't believe it.  Even if I really didn't get any mail this week, I am sure you agree that Service should probably be removed from their name.  I dare you to call and complain about anything, and see what happens.  They should be called the United States Postal Semi-Government Jobs And Therefore We Don't Give A Damn Despite Being Close To Obsolete Agency.

Seems customer service just isn't a priority in the new economy, which is strange because so few people have money to spend, you would think businesses would be falling all over themselves for my two shiny pennies.  I polished 'em up special just for them!

Another snowstorm is set to roll in tonight!  Whoo-hoo!  I can't wait because getting up and sweeping snow off my Jeep at 5:30 am then dodging idiots on my way to work is the most fun in the world.  I know if they would just add it to the Winter X-Games that I would win gold!  Shawn White ain't got nothin' on me!  (He's the snowboarder who closely resembles Carrot Top, in case you didn't know.)  Anyway, gotta get me a Dew so I can train.  It's extreme!

Work is going well, they changed my schedule to nights two weeks from now, but still haven't put it in their schedule system so I can know exactly what days I have off.  They also told us today that for our last week of training (next week) they actually want us to come in a half-hour earlier.  I don't mind because I am off super early next week, but going from starting work before dawn to ending work late at night the next week is a pretty drastic adjustment to one's sleep cycle.  And the short notice is kind-of ridiculous.  But hey, there are plenty of people to replace me if I don't like it and I should be lucky just to have a job, right?  Wait, this seems too familiar.

In related news, Reno still sucks.  I just spent a bunch of money trying to get my Jeep in good enough condition to where I could take a day trip to California or somewhere should there ever not be a blizzard warning on a day off.  Good idea right?  Well, apparently not because Lybia (who produces a whopping 2% of the world's oil supply) had to basically start a Civil War to increase the cost of gas by 50%.  Wait, 2% reduction in supply, 50% cost increase?  Something doesn't quite add up here.  Regardless, I spent a ton of money with the hopes of getting out of this frozen slab of meth if only for a quick day or two, only to be thwarted by oil speculators.  Well oilmen, if I remain trapped here much longer, I promise you, There Will Be Blood!  And I won't drink your milkshake, because that just sounds like a gay pickup line.  And I'm not sure I could swing that way.  Well, how much oil money are we talking?

In an effort to reduce my growing frustration, I have decided to start working out again.  By working out, I mean walking on the treadmill some on the days I feel like doing it before ruining the effort by gorging myself on Cheetos Puffs in Nutella.  (No, I am not high, and wasn't when I stumbled upon this culinary delight.)  My goal is to replace all the regular fat on my body with the bright orange powdery fat from the Cheetos.  I think it will be the look for Spring.

Well my dear reader(s), it has been a long, strange journey these last few paragraphs, but I want you to know that I'm so glad we made it through together.  You're here in my heart and my heart will go on.  

So until next time my dear reader(s), know that I'll never let go!  Now get the hell off my floating piece of debris, popsicle, before you drag us both down!

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