Good morning dear reader(s)!
Are you ready for some blogging type stuff? Well, too bad, because that's what this is! I'd like to welcome you to Superblog I, but I would probably be sued by the NFL for calling it that, so I won't. Welcome instead to my little blog-type-thing's first annual Super Sunday edition! Now that you have been sufficiently hyped, let's move onto the let-down portion of today's festivities, shall we? Too bad.
As some of you may know, today is Superbowl Sunday, the day two teams from the NFL compete for the championship of Futbol Americano (American Football). If you are one of the people who weren't aware of this, give up. Really. Stop trying to know things. Shut off the electricity, lock the doors, & just wait for the sweet tongue-kiss of Death to take you away, ala Calgon.
Okay, so I know at this point many of you are probably asking yourselves, "What does this have to do with Reno?" Well mom, if you'd be patient, I will get to that. You see, Reno, along with many Indian Reservations, and other destinations has a little thing called Legalized Gambling, (Gambling Legal Americano) that allows degenerates and degenerate tourists to wager on sporting events such as the Superbowl. So as a service to my dear degenerate reader(s), (sorry mom), I now present to you, without editing (why start now?), my Super Picks!
Either the Steelers or the Packers will win the game by 1 point or more. Bonus: The team that does not win will lose, & by the same margin! Coincidence? I think not. Jerry Jones will make alot of money. The halftime show will suck. The drive home will be even worse. PFD (Post Football Depression) will gain recognition as a psychological disorder. Pfizer will introduce a drug for the treatment of said disorder it will plan to advertise during next season's Superbowl & launch the next day. There will be a next season, as the labor negotiations will involve a friendly donkey who helps both sides realize the evils of greed by taking them on an inner journey through the use of mescaline and Pepsi Max (the official softdrink of the NFL). The US economy will not completely fall as the cheaper Chinese football product will not have a chance to gain hold while the NFL maintains it's monopoly of Futbol Americano until years later when it is sued in the World Court & has already fallen off in it's Quality Control allowing the Chinese a natural foothold in football through the use of forced labor, human rights violations, and Wal-Mart.
And now it is time for a little Reno bashing. A recent study ranked the quality of the drinking water among the worst in the nation. I wonder if that's why everyone here is drinking cheap Vodka instead. I am waiting for the headline saying, "Suspected Meth-Lab Turns Out To Be Tap-Water Boiling Operation". Then the real meth-lab operators will begin using the Bad Water Defense. "Yes your honor, there is a simple explanation of the 800 boxes of Sudafed. You see, we all got sinus infections from drinking the contaminated tap-water, so we got the Sudafed. All the chemicals were just to put into the water to try and prevent contamination." I think we should fight for legislation to waive sales taxes on Brita filters until the issues are corrected. And home irradiation equipment. We are, afterall, in a war on drugs.
Well, I gotta get going, I have to make some snacks to give me the strength to sit on my ass in front of a tv later today. Fat & lazy doesn't happen by itself. So until next time dear reader(s), Go ____ers!