Thursday, February 17, 2011

Maybe I shoulda had to use my A-K?

Good evening dear reader(s)!

2 in the mornin' got the Fatburger...okay, more like 5:45 in the evening, but who's counting?  This town sucks so bad they can't even do Fatburger right.  I used to go to the one in Lynnwood, WA (Lynnhood represent!) & I loved it!  They were fast, friendly, and the food was great.  Not too pricey for what you got either.  So when one opened up here I figured it was a good thing.  I mean, a burger every so often isn't going to kill you until after about 30 years of them, then it most likely will, but I digress.  So my Hannah and I were excited to have Fatburger.  She had good memories of the one in Vegas.  

First of all, drive-thrus should never take a half hour.  Second, meat should resemble meat & be cooked through on BOTH burgers.  E. Coli isn't fun, even if it is just for one.  Third, grease should not physically drip off of fries.  It was disgusting, & cost over $20.  2 people, one tiny undercooked burger, one overcooked fatburger, greasy fries & a couple sodas.  The stomach pains were thrown in at no charge.  

Okay, now for non-burger related topics.  

It is snowing here.  This is typical Reno late February into early March snow that follows the 60 degree January averages.  That means that there are about 5000 morons going way too slow when the roads are just wet, & another 5000 doing 90 mph when they are covered in black ice.  The good news is that this weather has inspired a new money making idea.  I am going to manufacture a synthetic legal drug & call it Black Ice.  I will sell it in the many liquor/99 cent store/smoke shops that seem to be on every corner in town until the FDA says it is too dangerous & it goes the way of Four Loko and other fine products.

Speaking of Four Loko, I am concerned that the unrest in the Middle East may spread to this country.  What does Four Loko have to do with the unrest in the Middle East you ask?  Like young people could ever be motivated and brave enough to take on a dictatorship without being pumped full of alcohol and caffiene.  Please.  

If our economy doesn't improve, & people continue to not be able to afford cheap imported electronics from China, & people continue to understand that a Vodka Rebull or Vodka Rockstar is even more effective than Four Loko, I really think the potential for widespread protests and civil disobedience exists in this country too.  Unless there is something good on TV that night.  Or a beer pong tournament.  Or karaoke.  

I need moist air.  My nose is so dry that everytime I breathe it whistles.  Not just an occasional noise, but Dixie.  The whole song.  All verses.  Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but it is way too dry.  I am having nosebleeds.  My skin is cracking, and not just because of the Lepracy.  

My Jeep almost got hit by some idiot in a white crappy car, tinted windows, 22 inch rims, super low profile tires and no snow driving skills whatsoever this morning.  Good thing thug didn't hit me, 'cause I'd a had to blast them.  And you see, now we have come full circle.  I even saw the lights of the Goodyear blimp & it read,...

"Until next time dear reader(s), Josh Wrenn's a pimp!"

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