Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Things that start with West are bad!

Good afternoon dear reader(s)!

Yesterday I got promoted!  Whoo-hoo!  Yesterday I also got demoted back to where I was about 4 hours after my promotion!  Boo!!!!  It turns out the people I work for didn't have all their ducks in a row in making sure the position was open before installing me there.  I am so glad to work for a Management Team as adept & skilled as I do.  I have nothing but 100% faith in the leadership at my company.  

In other news, I have decided that I will not set fire to the members of the Westboro Baptist Cult-er-Church.  However, if anyone reading this feels like doing so, know that I will not try to stop you.  Not that I am advocating violence, mind you, I just want it to be known that I am not NOT advocating violence against these "people".  In case you haven't heard, they plan to protest at the funeral of the 9 year old victim of the recent shooting in AZ that targeted a member of Congress.  

Okay, now for your favorite segment (well, at least mine, since nobody reads this anyway)!  This is where I bash Reno.  Should I feel bad?  I mean, it is like an adult kicking a disabled baby while it is having a seizure, but disabled seizure babies don't make stupid advertisements using tax dollars trying to promote the dying casinos and pretend we are on the shores of Tahoe.  (That would be Stateline, fyi.)  I wish that disabled seizure babies would make the Reno ads, I bet they would do a better job.  Oh, one little disclaimer here:  in 2000 I suffered from seizures.  So please don't think I am making fun of those who have had or currently have seizures, or any disability for that matter.  It should be clear that I am only making fun of babies.  You would know that if you weren't so retarded.  Okay, back to the Reno bashing.  Why would anyone put a city in a bowl, where during the winter an inversion layer forms just over the top of it, trapping all of the pollution inside?  Why?  Does the city get a kick-back on Albuterol sales?  What people decided, "Ya see that brown valley under those mountains there?  Ya know, the one with that little trickle of water that runs through it?  Where it is 100 something in the Summer and rarely breaks 30 during the Winter?"  "Let's build our city there!"  "And to really mess with people, we'll call this high desert valley the Truckee Meadows!"  

So I have decided that Reno's slogan "The Biggest Little City in the World" should be changed given the fact that this little city is dying so quickly.  With that in mind, here are my suggestions for a new slogan:

At least our casinos aren't run by them damn Injuns!
The Biggest Little Ghetto in the World
Close to Tahoe, close to hookers, but not as exciting as either!
The other Nevada city
Just like Vegas, without anything worth coming for!
Our strippers are only mildly damaged!
Meth lasts longer than coke and is cheaper too!
Please God, please just visit!  Please?

And finally (chest drumroll)...
That's sad...That's Reno!

Well dear reader(s), it has been fun, but I think the time to say goodbye has come.  Don't cry, to you I say, we'll meet again another day.  And I know we'll still be friends.  So goodbye dear reader(s), we're at the end.  And now I must bid you farewell, because according to Westboro, I'll burn in hell.

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