Monday, January 17, 2011

So You've Decided to Live in Reno. Now what?

Good evening dear reader(s)!

Welcome to Reno!  Now that you've decided to take the plunge and move to our biggest little city, we here at the RSCVA have put together this little guide to assist you with aclimating to your new home!  We are so glad you are here!

Section 1:  Important Phone Numbers

The most important thing to know about moving to a new place is who you can turn to for assistance should you need it.  We have compiled a list of numbers you will most likely need to call often now that you are a Reno resident.
Crisis Call Center-1-800-273-8255
Gamblers Anonymous-1-888-424-3577
Meth Addiction Helpline-1-866-535-7922
NV Energy-775-834-4444
Reno Police Non-Emergency Dispatch-775-334-2121
Truckee Meadows Water Authroity-775-834-8080

Section 2:  Career Opportunities

Reno's bustling economy boasts an unemployment rate of over 1 tenth of 1 percent less than Las Vegas.  This means that there are plenty of great low paying jobs available by comparison!  With career choices ranging from Fast Food Worker, all the way up to Fast Food Assistant Manager and everything in between, we are sure those of you with college degrees can find work in as little as 6 to 8 months!

Section 3:  Recreation

Did you know that there is more to do in Reno besides meth?  Despite the perception of most of our residents, this is true!  Relax in one of our Detox Holding Suites, Enjoy a tasty meal at St. Vincent's, Lose your worries and paycheck in one of our many casinos, Enjoy a cocktail of your choice (& a substance not of your choosing) at West Second!  What about the kids, you ask?  Well mom, not to worry, you'll be happy to know that Reno's teen pregnancy rate is well above the National average.

Section 4:  Weather

Here in Reno we have a saying, "If you don't like the weather, just wait 10 minutes!"  Most out-of-towners think this is a funny way of saying our weather is unpredictable, but true Reno-ites know the original saying was "If you don't like the weather, just wait 10 minutes, then it will be even worse & you will be sorry you whined, pussy!"  Basically, you should know that the weather here will be too hot or too cold for whatever outdoor activity you may have planned, so you might as well go to a casino.

Section 5:  Housing

Reno offers many wonderful homes, if you came here from the Bay Area after making millions in the tech boom of the 90s.  For the rest of you, Reno has plenty of run-down houses and apartments renting at levels completely out of synch with the actual state of the housing market.  Not all are cockroach infested either!

Section 6:  Nearby Activities

If you really want to enjoy all that Reno has to offer, leave.  No seriously, Tahoe is pretty.  Sacramento, while ugly, is better than here.  But either way, get out.  While you can.  Trust us.  Go, now, before you get stuck.  Live, live for us.  Live right up to the hilt.  If you ever were my friend, if you ever had even the slightest feeling for me, leave now.

We hope this guide helped you today.  Until next time dear reader(s), don't copy quotes from movies without crediting them.  That last line was from Tombstone, not me.  I just cleverly inserted it there.

Sent from my Palm Pixi on AT&T

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha Funny, However it has been my experience that point Number 4: Weather is EXACTLY, letter for letter; what EVERYONE says. I heard the same thing growing up in Michigan, I heard it again whilst going to school in Pittsburgh, and once again when I was trapped in Aberdeen, MD. They all say the same thing. "If you don't like the weather, wait 10 minutes." or in Michigan: "You know your from Michigan if The only place in the world can you experience all four seasons in one day. You've had to switch on the heat and the air conditioning in the same day. Or You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.