Welcome to Reno! Now that you've decided to take the plunge and move to our biggest little city, we here at the RSCVA have put together this little guide to assist you with aclimating to your new home! We are so glad you are here!
Section 1: Important Phone Numbers
The most important thing to know about moving to a new place is who you can turn to for assistance should you need it. We have compiled a list of numbers you will most likely need to call often now that you are a Reno resident.
Crisis Call Center-1-800-273-8255
Meth Addiction Helpline-1-866-535-7922
Reno Police Non-Emergency Dispatch-775-334-2121
Truckee Meadows Water Authroity-775-834-8080
Section 2: Career Opportunities
Reno's bustling economy boasts an unemployment rate of over 1 tenth of 1 percent less than Las Vegas. This means that there are plenty of great low paying jobs available by comparison! With career choices ranging from Fast Food Worker, all the way up to Fast Food Assistant Manager and everything in between, we are sure those of you with college degrees can find work in as little as 6 to 8 months!
Section 3: Recreation
Did you know that there is more to do in Reno besides meth? Despite the perception of most of our residents, this is true! Relax in one of our Detox Holding Suites, Enjoy a tasty meal at St. Vincent's, Lose your worries and paycheck in one of our many casinos, Enjoy a cocktail of your choice (& a substance not of your choosing) at West Second! What about the kids, you ask? Well mom, not to worry, you'll be happy to know that Reno's teen pregnancy rate is well above the National average.
Section 4: Weather
Here in Reno we have a saying, "If you don't like the weather, just wait 10 minutes!" Most out-of-towners think this is a funny way of saying our weather is unpredictable, but true Reno-ites know the original saying was "If you don't like the weather, just wait 10 minutes, then it will be even worse & you will be sorry you whined, pussy!" Basically, you should know that the weather here will be too hot or too cold for whatever outdoor activity you may have planned, so you might as well go to a casino.
Section 5: Housing
Reno offers many wonderful homes, if you came here from the Bay Area after making millions in the tech boom of the 90s. For the rest of you, Reno has plenty of run-down houses and apartments renting at levels completely out of synch with the actual state of the housing market. Not all are cockroach infested either!
Section 6: Nearby Activities
If you really want to enjoy all that Reno has to offer, leave. No seriously, Tahoe is pretty. Sacramento, while ugly, is better than here. But either way, get out. While you can. Trust us. Go, now, before you get stuck. Live, live for us. Live right up to the hilt. If you ever were my friend, if you ever had even the slightest feeling for me, leave now.
We hope this guide helped you today. Until next time dear reader(s), don't copy quotes from movies without crediting them. That last line was from Tombstone, not me. I just cleverly inserted it there.
Sent from my Palm Pixi on AT&T