Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

Good evening dear reader(s)!

As you may or may not have heard, it is no longer 2010 (Or Year We Made Americans Paranoid on the Chinese calendar) & so it is time once again to make a list of things we resolve to do or not do until the next meaningless calendar change.  Then we will make a new list carrying over about 90% of the things we failed at from this year.  So without further delay, I present to you Josh's Big 'Ol List O' Resolutions for 2011:

1.  Get a better job.  Something less degrading.  Maybe porn.  Although I hear only the actors in gay movies make a lot of money.  No offense to my gay friends, but I just don't think I want to be with another man.  Which leads perfectly to my next resolution...

2.  Avoid anything having to do with MMA or UFC.  Did okay at this last year, hoping to continue the trend.  Just don't find 2 men rolling around on top of each other to be that exciting.  Even if they do make more money than their straight counterparts.

3.  Start a revolution.  Not that I am particularly anti-government (most of the time), but I just think it is a good way to be remembered.  Perhaps I should buy some fatigues.  I need to get an army to fight for me, I don't really like violence when it involves me.

4.  Make enough money to have a procedure performed.  The world needs it now more than ever.  

5.  Stay healthier.  I figure the best way to go about this is by the destruction of any company that makes their employees come to work while they are sick.  You have been warned companies.

6.  Eat better.  Not necessarily healthier, just chew more & maybe get less food on my face and/or clothes.

7.  Drink better.  More expensive alcohol really is better than the cheap stuff.

8.  Work out.  If the weather is warm.  If not, continuing to work in is fine, if I am going to have to work.

9.  Go to Ireland for fuck's sake.

10.  Let each & everyone of you know how important you are to me more often.  So I figure I will come up with some meter you can access that let's you know your importance level at that given time.  (Hint:  to be more important to me, support me, give me things, or bail me out if I screw up!)

11.  Get rich.  Lots & lots of money.  I would be generous if I were rich, so if you wish this for me you could benefit too.  I am only thinking of you here.  

12.  Get more sleep.  I slept okay for the most part in 2010.  But I liked it.  Alot.  So sleeping more, that'd be cool.

13.  Do more things with my friends.  This would be easier if I had friends or money to go places with them if I did have friends, but you never know what can happen in a year, right?

14.  Realize that just because some idiot is doing 10 to 20 under the speed limit in the fast lane, that he/she is not purposely trying to make me late & screw up my life.

15.  The final resolution.  The grandaddy of them all.  The big one.  The moment you all have been waiting for as it lets you know the post will be over soon and you can go back to living your real life...
Write more blog posts for nobody to read.  

Well now, aren't you glad you have had this opportunity to peak into the window of my soul?  Do you wish you never had looked because now you are scarred for life?  Good.  Teach you to peak into my windows.  Until next time dear reader(s), Happy New Year & month & day!  

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