Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Post Nasal Trip

Good evening dear reader(s),

As you may be aware, I have recently found myself a bit under the weather, & therefore have not had the strength to update my beloved (by me) blog.  I am sorry, but being this awesome takes a lot of energy.

So...what has has happened since I have fallen ill?  Well, quite a bit.

Just before the wretched illness dug into me, I read an article that named Reno as one of the top forgotten vacation destinations.  The article goes on to explain how Reno never bothered to plan for Indian casinos or the rise of the Mega Resorts in Vegas.  It also goes on to say that Reno probably should be forgotten as the downtown area has taken on a "shabby" feel & the hotels and casinos are in disrepair.  I wonder if the author of that article is psychic and has been inside my head.

In related news, Reno finally banned the homeless from sleeping on the city's sidewalks.  I wonder if they thought 30 strung-out bums sleeping 3 feet from the arch on Virginia may have contributed to a "shabby" feel.  I would support this ban, but it has had unintended consequences.  It has caused the homeless to become more mobile.  Now I have to dodge strung-out homeless people on bikes who try to play Frogger against the traffic.  I sincerely hope they continue to win.  May they get the high score, because I don't want to be driving the car that ends their game.

I think Reno should host a homeless convention.  Years ago, Reno powerful believed conventions could save the city.  Well, why not have a homeless convention?  Reno already has a huge homeless population, not to mention the Reno homeless seem to be on the cutting-edge of the latest homeless fashion.  Did you know that the Reno homeless introduced the rolling suitcase as replacement to the shopping cart?  It is true.  Reno homeless had the foresight to recognize wheel-locks on shopping carts years ago & made the switch.  Besides, shopping carts are SO 1996!  Reno has also been at the forefront of cheap motels and brain killing drugs for the past decade.  Come on Reno, land that convention.  It just makes sense.

Not that I have anything against the homeless, just the strung-out meth heads & level 3 sex offenders that are everywhere you turn.

So, on a happier front, Hannah & I decided to look at Christmas lights tonight since I could almost breathe for an hour or so.  We drove all over town & actually saw 2 or 3 houses that were good.  That is twice as many as last year.  Sadly, the days when cars would stream through Hidden Valley to look at every house in the area lit up are long gone.  There are 1 or 2 die-hards, but that is about all.  We still had fun, I just hope I didn't screw up & prolong my illness.

Speaking of my illness, I believe I have a sinsus infection.  That is right dear reader(s), don't cry for me, I know it is shocking to find out someone so amazing has been stricken with such a terrible illness.  Do not lose hope, this afliction hasn't taken me yet, & there is something you can do.  Just send a check to me for $365.  For just a dollar a day, you can help Josh through this horrible illness, & maybe buy himself a nice flat-screen tv or a laptop.  But act quickly, because I said so.

Well my dear reader(s), I am off to the land of sleepy time now, where sugar plums and nutcrackers are flung into the firepit for their insubordination.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Book of Exodus

Good evening dear reader(s)!

I have decided it is time to revive my much celebrated (by me) blog & let you all know exactly what exciting things I have been up to, so that you may vicariously experience some small level of excitement in your own lives.  I have also decided to provide you with updates on life in this God-forsaken town and my efforts to flee before it is enveloped in a giant meth-cooking fireball.

As some of you may know, I was actually born here & lived here through my early twenties, at which point I decided to move to greener pastures.  Or greener trees & grass & life, with water & mountains not perpetually in danger of catching fire & fresh food & friendly people & good coffee & happiness, & salmon & jobs & freedom & prosperity & recreation & wildlife & things to do & smiles & everything else good.

Perhaps it was the shock of divorce, or the need for new perspective, or fate pulling me towards my Hannah, but for some unknown reason, I decided to move back to Reno last year.  I can't say it was a mistake, I met my Hannah Bear (heretofor known as "Bear") here, but I wish I could have met her while living up in Seattle.  I am here now, trying to make the best of it, dodging thugs & meth-heads & just waiting to get the hell out again.  Lease is up in May, I hope to have enough $ & a job prospect to move back to the PNW then.

In the meantime, it is my most sincere goal to keep you entertained by my sad/pathetic/occasionally funny stories of a person trying to live life in a town full of the walking dead.

if occasionally I have nothing to say, i'm sorry.  It is hard to have a life in a dying town.

Congratulations!  You have made it through my intro blog.  Stay tuned for superfun extreme happy coolness!  Until next time, get off the counter, Dobson!